Etiquette School of Ohio

How to Keep a Conversation Flowing

One way to keep a conversation flowing is to ask open -ended questions.  These are questions that require more than a yes, no, or one word answer.  After asking the question, be prepared to listen and show interest by nodding your head, making eye contact, and/or voicing an occasional word of expression such as “really”, “interesting”, or “I agree”.

Examples of open-ended questions:

How do you know the bride/groom?

Why are the ________ and the ____ your favorite teams?

What do you think makes “American Idol” a top rated show?

What do you enjoy most about rock climbing?

Tell me about your last vacation?

How To Respond to Unsolicited Gossip

Many years ago, gossiping was a criminal offense.   Although you won’t be placed behind bars for spreading gossip today, the effects of gossip can be very damaging.  It may be tempting to learn the confidential and juicy details about a person or situation, but we must discipline ourselves to stop it.

If someone begins to share information you know you shouldn’t be hearing, even though you are chomping at the bit to hear it, politely say, “Does _______ know you’re telling me this?  We’re good, (co-workers, friends, neighbors, etc.), and I don’t want him/her to think I’m talking behind his/her back.”

How to Respond to “You Look Terrible” or “You Look Tired”

In past entries, I have addressed how rude it is to tell someone they look terrible or tired.  Today, I will offer a response to such a comment.

If you are the unfortunate victim of a rude comment about your appearance, simply say, “Oh my, how sad to hear.  I was feeling rather good today until you made that comment.”

Addressing The President of the United States in Conversation

If you are fortunate to have a conversation with The President of the United States, address him as Mr. President. If you are having a lengthy conversation with The President, you may also address him as Sir to mix it up a bit.

If you find yourself in a position where you need to introduce him, address him as The President or The President of the United States.

Maintain Eye Contact While Conversing

We have all experienced a conversation with someone who does not maintain eye contact with you.  Their eyes wander around the room, down at the table or floor, and perhaps worst of all, at a woman’s chest.

During a conversation, everyone involved should maintain eye contact while speaking and while listening.  Not maintaining eye contact could give the impression you are bored or really don’t care.

If you are speaking with someone who is looking elsewhere, simply stop talking and look in the direction they are looking in.  When they ask what’s wrong, tell them you stopped to see what they are looking at.  If you are female and a man is looking at your chest, stop and say, “What’s wrong?  Did I spill something on my suit, (dress, blouse)?”   Once you call them on it, they will most likely never do it again.

“I Need You To…Say Please”

My husband and I recently refinanced our home with a mortgage company.  If you’ve ever been through a home closing or a refinancing, you know there are many papers to sign and the process can take up to an hour.

During our closing, the mortgage company representative continually said, “I need you to sign here.”  Not once did she ever say please.  By the end of the closing, I didn’t want to be ordered to do one more thing.

The same day, I stopped in a retail store to return an item I purchased the week before.  When I approached the sales associate at the counter, she told me, “I need you to go to register 3.”  The sales associate at register 3 returned my item, but told me, “I need you to fill in your address and sign at the bottom.”

I then went to a medical appointment and after signing in, the receptionist said, “I need you to take a seat.”  Once I was in an exam room, the nurse said, “I need you to put this gown on.”  The doctor came in and told me, “I need you to take a deep breath.”

Would you please notice the pattern here?

What is happening to the etiquette of being polite?  Please do not demand someone to do anything for you.  The practice of being polite in our society is deteriorating.

Please stop the rudeness and say, “please”, when phrasing a request.

Communicating With the Speech Impaired

If you are having a conversation with someone who has a speech impediment, be polite, patient, and listen carefully.  If you don’t understand something the individual has said, ask them to repeat or clarify the part you don’t understand.

Maintain eye contact with the person to show your attentiveness.  If their speech is slow, do not let your eyes wander around the room or let your body language communicate you’re bored.

Do not, under any circumstance, complete their sentences.  This rule also holds true when you’re having a conversation with someone who does not have a speech impediment.

These are also excellent skills for children to learn so they are polite and courteous to students who have disabilities.

“It Needs To Be” - Conversational Etiquette

When speaking about a task that should be completed in the future, don’t forget to use the words, “to be“.

For example; say, “The car needs to be washed.”  Do not say, “The car needs washed” or “The care needs washing.”

In a few areas of the country, it is common for people to drop the “to be” from their sentences.  When I hear them speak in this manner, I immediately have a good idea where they are from.

Proper Word Usage: Lie vs. Lay

Two words frequently confused and used incorrectly in conversation are lie and lay.  Webster’s Dictionary will give you very detailed definitions of both words.  I will give you brief definitions to help you remember when to use each word properly.  You may still want to take a look at the dictionary to understand all the proper uses of these words so you don’t embarrass yourself in a professional or social setting.

Lie means to assume a horizontal position.  “I’m going to lie down and take a nap.”

Lay means to put or set something down.  “Please lay the book on the table.”

Lay is also the past tense of lie.  “I felt a cold draft as I lay there earlier.”