Etiquette School of Ohio

How To Handle Chatty Audience or Class Members

When attending a class or presentation, audience members should be courteous to the speaker and refrain from speaking. Chatting during a presentation is also rude to the other attendees who want to hear what the speaker has to say.

If you are the speaker and encounter chatty audience members, simply stop speaking and wait for the chatter to stop.

I practice this skill from day one in my college ballroom dance classes.  The students quickly learn only one person should be speaking at a time.  When I become quiet, they actually police themselves.  I frequently hear, “Shh, she’s trying to speak” without ever having to ask them to be quiet.

A preschool teacher told me she whispered when her students became chatty.  Walking around the room, she would whisper, “If you can hear me, touch your nose”.  She said it works like a charm because none of the children want to miss out on a secret, so they stop talking and listen attentively.

The Office Sink

In today’s society, very few people have maids, cooks, or butlers in their home who pick up after them.  Why is it then, so many people feel there is a maid or butler at work who will pick up and clean up after them?

Look at the office sink for an example.  At any given time, you will find used coffee mugs, spoons, and some residue of an unidentifiable nature sitting in the sink.

Who do the owners of these items expect will clean them?

News flash - the Sink Fairy really doesn’t exist.   Really.

If you use a kitchen utensil, wash it and put it away when you are done using it.  If you rinse something out in the sink, make sure you rinse the sink as well.  Leaving food or liquids in the sink attracts bugs and creates an odor.

Cleaning the sink is not the secretary’s responsibility.  The janitorial staff should only have to wipe off water spots and sanitize the sink.

Be an adult and take responsibility for the items you use.  If you can’t clean them yourself, then don’t use them.

Accepting Gifts

We are usually thrilled to receive a gift.  However, at times we feel awkward because we don’t know if we should open the gift now or wait to open it later.

Some events are planned around the opening of gifts such as showers, birthdays, and retirement parties.  At these events there is usually a time to sit and open the gifts in front of everyone.

If an event is formal, such as a wedding or graduation, it is most appropriate to set the gift aside and open it later.

If you receive a gift at the office, do open the gift so the person or people who gave it to you can enjoy your reaction.

Speaking of your reaction, always act thrilled and appreciative no matter how you really feel about the gift.  If you don’t like the gift, you don’t have to lie and say you do.  Simply be thrilled that someone thought enough to give you a gift and say, “How thoughtful of you to think of me!”

After receiving the gift, always write a handwritten thank you note to the giver.  A verbal thank you at the time you received the gift is not enough.

Respect All Co-Workers

A job title or rank in the company hierarchy does not determine the worth of a human being.  Treat all employees of a company with respect and professionalism.

I once worked in the buying offices of a major retail store.  At the beginning of each month, when new shipments of clothing were arriving, hangers were in demand and were very scarce.  Actually, hangers packed neatly in boxes were scarce to find.  There were thousands of hangers in the store basement waiting to be sorted by one man.

Very few buyers would venture down to the basement because the old pipes leaked, rats could be seen scurrying about and they said that man down there was creepy.  To get hangers, they would sit in their plush offices and call the “hanger man” on the phone screaming and demanded he deliver hangers to them immediately.

I, on the other hand, walked down to the basement and sorted my own hangers.  While doing so, I had very nice conversations with the “hanger man”.  I learned he was working this job during the day and attending college at night while raising 4 children by himself.  Whenever I saw him in the building I smiled and said hello.  On cold days, I would bring him coffee and attach a note saying, “Have a nice day.”

One day, the buying offices learned the president of the corporation would be visiting the store in one hour and he wanted to see the shipment from a new vendor on the floors front and center.  All the buyers were frantic.  Most couldn’t get their merchandise out because they could not find enough available hangers.  I ran to my stockroom to unpack my boxes and found the nicest surprise.  There were 2 large boxes of hangers waiting for me with a note attached that said, “Have a nice day.”

Guess who was the only buyer who had her floor perfectly merchandised in time for the president’s visit.

No individual can succeed alone.  Always remember to treat the entire team with respect.  You never know when someone will need to come to your rescue.

Why Do Brides Wear Something Blue?

Perhaps you have heard the saying recited to a bride who is planning her wardrobe for her big day, “Something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue.”

I am frequently asked, “Why do brides wear something blue?”

This tradition comes from ancient Israel where brides wore a blue ribbon on their clothing to signify their fidelity, love, and modesty.

Also, the color blue is associated with the innocence and purity of the Virgin Mary.

Handwritten vs. Typed Notes

Thank you notes and condolence notes should always be handwritten.  Whether or not you write other types of correspondence by hand is a matter of personal preference.  For some, the quality of their penmanship dictates how they will write their notes.

You may want to consider the following before choosing your personal style:

1.  A handwritten note is more likely to be read in today’s high tech world.

2.  A handwritten note reminds someone there is a real, live person on the other side.

3.  A handwritten note says the sender cared enough to take the time to write.

4.  Handwritten notes are often saved because they’re considered to be special.

5.  A handwritten note adds a personal touch.

If a formal memo or lengthy note must be typed, you may pesonalize it by adding a few handwritten lines such as: “Your sales presentation was terrific”, or “I enjoyed meeting you at last week’s meeting”.

Whether or not a note or memo is typed, it should always be signed by hand.

An Exemplary Example of Etiquette

Good etiquette is not snobbish or upper crust as many would presume.  Good etiquette costs nothing except an occasional few minutes of your time.  Good etiquette is not obvious, but leaves a lasting impression.

If you are good with etiquette, you will practice it 24/7.

A man I recently met was good with etiquette and did practice it 24/7.  He left a lasting impression with me because I always felt good after he left.  He never used monetary or material things when he practiced etiquette, but unselfishly gave of himself and his time to be there when you needed someone.  This individual was sincere, trustworthy, grounded, and down to hearth.  He always knew exactly the right words to say at the right time to pull you up when you were down and out.

I don’t know how well this man could maneuver his way through the silverware of a 7-course formal dinner.  It doesn’t matter.

This man was a walking example of why etiquette rules exist - to make others feel comfortable and good about themselves.  I doubt he had any formal etiquette training.  He was a natural who took the values his parents and family gave him and became one outstanding individual.

On September 19, 2008, the world lost one good example of etiquette.  Those of you who knew Albert Broussard, and even those of you who didn’t, I challenge you to continue his legacy of being one great example of etiquette.

As Al’s work on earth is done and he takes the road back home, I’m sure he’ll hear the words, “Job well done”, for the many people he helped to feel better about themselves.

May sorrow be gone and peace be with you.

Addressing Correspondence To Couples When One or Both Have the Title of Dr.

When sending correspondence to a couple, proper titles must be used in the address.  If one or both individuals have the title of Dr., one of the following examples should be used:

1. Dr. and Mrs. Robert Jones (The husband is a doctor)

2. Dr. Susan and Mr. Robert Jones (The wife is a doctor)

3. Drs. Susan and Robert Jones (Both the husband and wife are doctors)

4. Dr. Susan Brown and Mr. Robert Jones (The wife is a doctor and uses her maiden name both professionally and socially)

How To Write a Thank You Note for a Group Gift

It is not uncommon for businesses or departments within a business to send a group gift for special occasions.  If you receive a gift from a group of people, it is proper etiquette to send a thank you note.

If the gift was sent from four or less people, an individual thank you note should be sent to each person.

If the gift was sent from five or more people, one thank you note, which may be posted on the office bulletin board, is appropriate.

Driving Etiquette - Merging Traffic Must Yield

I drive on expressways daily and am always cautious of merging traffic.  I frequently witness acts of rudeness and road rage as drivers attempt to make a spot for themselves in traffic whether they have the right of way or not.  Recently, merging traffic has become a sensitive issue with me, not only on the expressways, but also on surface streets as the drivers in my area attempt to navigate around fallen trees and wires in the aftermath of Hurricane Ike.

Today, another driver passed me on the right only to find workers in that lane cutting down a fallen tree. (I guess the big and colorful “Right Lane Closed Ahead” signs were not big or colorful enough for them to see.)  Without using a turn signal, this driver made an unsafe lane change into the line of traffic that did see the signs and almost caused an accident.

In November of 2007, the University of Dayton conducted a study to better understand the reasons behind traffic accidents occurring at the point of merging traffic.  One of the results, that should wave a red flag, showed a very high majority of drivers think the car merging into traffic has the right of way.

On the contrary, the law states the through traffic has the right of way and merging traffic must yield.

This does not, however, mean the through traffic should not give the merging traffic a chance to pull in.  By all means, if you can, safely pull over into the next lane to allow the merging traffic to enter.  Or be polite and adjust your speed so the merging car can enter in front of or behind you.  I’ve had drivers in the through traffic play games with me and sit right next to me until my lane ended.  If I increased or decreased my speed, they did the same while laughing the entire time.

Consider using your turn signal.  All cars have them on board for a good reason.  They can be used to effectively communicate your desire to change lanes to other drivers.  If you see someone with their signal on, please be polite and allow them to merge in.  Too many drivers take the defensive and say, “I’m not letting anyone get in front of me.”

If we all follow the laws and work together, perhaps road rage and accidents could decrease significantly.  Not only would this be a step towards better driving etiquette, but it would also be a big step toward being green.