Etiquette School of Ohio

Put The Toilet Seat Down - Couples Etiquette

Theoretically, what goes up, should come down.  This is the backbone of the toilet seat issue.  It is most courteous to always put the seat down after lifting it for use. Gentlemen, I’m speaking to you because women have no use for a toilet seat in the up position.

I frequently hear men saying, “Why do I always have to remember to put the seat down?  Why can’t she remember to put it up for me?”

The question at hand comes down to a safety issue.  Take this story a male friend shared with me into consideration.

During his regular routine of getting ready for bed, he left the toilet seat up.  In the middle of the night, his wife had a desperate urge to make a run to the bathroom.  Getting there in the nick of time, she sat down on the rim of the toilet seat.  Losing her balance, she fell into the bowl and hit her head on the tank.  The tank lid fell to the floor shattering pieces of porcelain all over the bathroom.  She broke her back and my friend had to get stitches in his feet after cutting them on the broken pieces of porcelain as he assisted her.

The lesson to be learned: To maintain a happy and healthy relationship, put the toilet seat down.

Is It Miss or Ms.?

The proper term to use for a single young lady under 21 is Miss.  When she turns 21, the proper term is Ms.

If she is under 21 and married, you would use the term Mrs.

Learn From Others

It is so easy to become frustrated when your expectations are not met when interacting with others.  For example, a sales associate is slow at the checkout or a technician can’t immediately tell you why your computer is not working.

Rather than allow your blood pressure to rise, look at the situation and determine what you might learn from it.  Maintaining a mind set that everyone can be your teacher and every interaction is a learning experience will lower your blood pressure and allow you to see situations differently.

A slow sales associate can help you work on your patience.  The undecided technician might have amazing problem solving skills you can incorporate in your next technical problem.  On the other hand, observe positive interactions as well.  The receptionist always makes your day brighter with her smile.  Perhaps if you smiled more, you could brighten the day for other people too.  Everyone you meet can be your teacher.

You can even learn from animals.  I am hoping my dog can teach me how to live in the moment and find happiness in everything as it is.

Don’t be so quick to judge the shortfalls of others, but step back and observe without judgment to improve your own shortfalls.  This new attitude will work wonders for your etiquette skills too.

“Thank You” Can Make A Spiritual Connection

A prayer is a means of communicating on a spiritual level.  Prayers do not need to be lengthy or complicated.  Two words imperative to proper etiquette can also be a very simple prayer.  These two words are thank you.

Saying thank you regularly throughout the day and truly meaning it, can give a sense of gratitude.

You can repeat these words to yourself, share them with others, or silently think them.  However you choose to say them, be truly grateful.

Say them when you see a beautiful sunset, make it through a stop light, avoid hitting an animal with your car, or enjoy the coziness of a warm blanket and fire.  Perhaps you’re grateful for someone holding a door, an elevator, or a heavy box.  Did you enjoy a cup of coffee, a hot shower, or a piece of chocolate?  Maybe a friend made you smile by sending an e-mail just to say hello or maybe you discovered you didn’t send an e-mail you wrote while you were upset yesterday.

Whatever it is, say thank you and feel grateful.

Thank you for visiting my site.

Is It Appropriate To Request Cash For A Wedding Gift?

It is never appropriate to request a gift of any kind for any occasion.  A gift is the sole choice of the person or people giving it.

Many engaged couples have asked how they can let their guests know their preference of money over gifts.  It is inappropriate for the bride or groom to inform their guests of their gift preferences.  It is also inappropriate to have any such wording or enclosure in the wedding invitation.

The bride and groom must rely on their network of close friends and family members to discreetly inform their guests of their gift preferences.

This same rule holds true for gift registries.  Never enclose a list of where the bride and groom have registered in the invitation.  If wedding guests would like to know where the bride and groom are registered, they should contact a family member of the wedding couple to find out.

A wedding guest is never obligated to choose a gift from the registry.  Again, the gift decision is their choice.

The Engagement Party

Traditionally, an engagement party is hosted by the bride’s parents to announce and celebrate the good news with close friends and family.  Today, an engagement party may be hosted by anyone close to the couple including the couple themselves.

The engagement party serves several purposes.  To announce the engagement, to celebrate the engagement, to introduce the bride and or groom to close friends and family and to give family members an opportunity to meet before the wedding.

The party may be of any type.  It is usually a small dinner or cocktail party, but could include anything from an outdoor barbecue to a beach party.

Gifts are not expected at an engagement party.  It is a celebration and not a gift giving event.  However, those very close to the engaged couple may choose to give a gift for the trousseau or new household.  A family heirloom may be passed down at this time as well.  Gifts brought to an engagement party should be placed aside and opened after guests have left.  This will eliminate any embarrassment to guests not bringing a gift.

Often, the engagement announcement is a surprise at the party so the party is then a celebration rather than a gift giving event and guests are not worried about whether or not they should bring a gift.

If family and friends are traveling many miles to meet with the engaged couple, a new tradition is to hold an engagement shower so friends and family do not have to make the long trip again for a bridal shower.  This also allows the men to attend the shower.  If your invitation reads “engagement shower”, then a gift is expected.

Don’t Be A Whiner

It doesn’t matter if it’s a sporting event, social event, or business function, nobody enjoys being in the company of a whiner.

A whiner can suck the joy out of anything faster than the old Hoover upright can vacuum the carpet.  People who tend to whine wonder why it’s difficult to make and keep friends.

Here are a few examples of whining to give yourself a quick whiner test.  If you catch yourself saying any of these phrases, perhaps you need to work on your attitude.  Remember, no matter how bad the situation, someone most likely has a worse situation.

A whiner says:

“I hate this.”

”Do I have to?”

“I feel terrible.”

“You never let me have the ball.”

“My foot hurts.”

“It’s too hot.”  “It’s too cold.”

“They never get it right.”

“This is so stupid.  Why do I have to do this?”

“You want me to do it again?”

“He always gets noticed because he’s the manager’s favorite.”

“My head hurts.”

Well, if your head hurts that much, why don’t you rest and read my blog again later when you feel better.

Telephone Etiquette: In Person vs. On the Phone

The other day, I was trying to have a business conversation with a receptionist at a doctor’s office.  I had several important questions I needed answers for.  Every time I completed a question, the phone rang and the receptionist answered it.  It took 20 minutes to get all of my questions answered when it should have taken only 2 or 3 minutes.

I’ve encountered similar situations in retail stores and restaurants as well as during conversations with friends when their cell phones ring.

If someone is having a conversation with you in person, they take precedence over the person calling you on the phone. Voice message systems were developed to take messages when you are unable to answer a call.  If you must answer the call, take a brief message and inform the caller you will call them back.

Always Have a Tissue Handy

It’s that time of year again when our noses tend to do more than we consciously ask of them.  They run, sneeze, tickle, and clog up.  Most annoyingly, they do these things at the most inconvenient times such as when you’re giving a presentation, in an interview, or on a date.

To out smart the foul plays of our noses, I suggest having a tissue available at all times to handle all unsuspecting circumstances. It is most improper to use alternatives to the tissue such as your sleeve, hand, or on-going sniffling.

Place a tissue in your pocket before leaving the house. Since ladies don’t always have pockets in their attire, they may want to place a tissue in their handbag or tuck one in the sleeve of their outfit.

You may even want to consider purchasing a small pack of tissues to have in your desk drawer, briefcase, coat pocket or purse.  You will not only have enough to take care of your nasal needs, but can come to the rescue of others too.

Remember, what goes in the pocket, must come out.  Please don’t forget to take the tissue out of your pocket at the end of the day.  A tissue is not welcome when discovered in the laundry at the end of the wash cycle.

Sit Up Straight and Tall at Your Desk - Children’s Etiquette at School

When I stand in front of a class to teach a group of students, I use good posture.  I expect the same courtesy from the students sitting at their desks.

Students should sit up straight in their chairs just as they would at the dinner table.  They should not lean on the desk with their head held up in their hand.  Place both feet on the floor with all four legs of the chair on the floor as well.  Do not tilt back in the chair.

Leaning on the desk, holding your head up or lying it down on the desk is rude and disrespectful to the teacher or speaker.  If you can’t show respect to the teacher, then perhaps the teacher shouldn’t take the time to share his or her information with you.