Etiquette School of Ohio

How Much Should A Guest Spend On A Wedding Gift?

A loyal reader recently asked:

“What is the etiquette for how much to spend on a wedding gift?  Should it be influenced by how much the couple is spending on the wedding, how well you know the couple, and/or whether or not you attend?”

In the past, if you received a wedding invitation, it was obligatory to send a wedding gift  whether you attended the wedding or not.   This is still a good rule to follow today especially if you are good friends or close to the wedding couple.  However, in today’s society, if you have moved away and don’t stay in touch with the wedding couple, you may choose not to send a gift.  In this circumstance, the invitation was most likely sent as a courteous announcement of the wedding in which case a wedding announcement should have been sent rather than an invitation.

A wedding gift is given to celebrate and acknowledge the union of two people you care about.  The gift should never be more than you can afford.  It is a myth the gift should be as much as the bride and groom spent on each guest to attend the wedding.  I’ve said this many times and will say it again, a gift should never be evaluated by it’s monetary value.  If you are struggling to make ends meet, I’m sure the wedding couple would not want you to spend your last cent on their gift.  However, if you are a very successful professional, you may look stingy if you give a chintzy gift.  Give what you can afford.  This rule holds true whether you attend the wedding or not.

Be creative with your gift giving.  Some of my most cherished gifts were handmade.   As many times as I have moved, I always hang a shadowbox containing my wedding invitation decorated with curled paper flowers a co-worker made for me.  I think of her every time I walk by the shadowbox.  Another guest made a beautiful wreath that is also displayed where I can see it everyday after 22 years of marriage.  On cool evenings, I snuggle under an afghan a now deceased aunt made for me.  These gifts were all given with love from the heart.

Let’s not get caught up in the monetary value of wedding gifts.  Try to give something that warms the heart and will be remembered as time passes.

Business Card Tip

I always keep my own business cards in my left pocket and the cards I receive from others in my right pocket. This organization tip will eliminate fumbling through cards or handing out another person’s card by mistake.  You will also be able to maintain eye contact with the person you’re speaking with rather than having to look down or away from them.

BBQ - Difficult Foods

I recently attended a pig roast where many different types of barbecued foods, such as ribs, chicken wings, and hot dogs, were served.  My job title of etiquette consultant must have intimidated many of the guests, because when the time came to eat, they all waited to see how I was going to eat the barbecued feast.

A barbecue is an informal affair.  Please don’t worry about which fork and knife to use.   Go ahead and use your fingers in lieu of utensils. However, don’t try to imitate a feast of the Medieval time period by picking up a big ole’ turkey leg or steak with your fingers and begin gnawing away on it.  Larger pieces of meat should be cut with a knife and fork.

Even though the use of fingers is allowed at a barbecue, it is still imperative to remember other etiquette skills such as eating with your mouth closed, passing foods rather than reaching across the table, using a napkin rather than licking your fingers, or avoiding the use of a toothpick in public.

Miss USA 2009 Pageant - 1 Step Forward, 2 Steps Back

As a pageant coach and a former Mrs. Ohio USA title holder, I am constantly working to educate the public that not all beauty contestants are empty minded bombshells.   Gone are the days when questions are answered with canned answers we think the judges want to hear such as, “My favorite color is red, white, and blue”.

Today’s pageant contestants must know who they are, know the issues, and speak up for what they believe in.  Contestants should be judged on how they deliver and support their position on issues, not on whether the judges personally agree or disagree with their positions.

During a live broadcast of the Miss USA Pageant this past Sunday night, Miss California was asked how she felt about gay marriage.  She said she is against it.  Whether or not I agree with her answer, I applaud Miss California for standing up for what she believes and supporting it.  Unfortunately, the camera caught a shot of the judge, Perez Hilton, shaking his head in disbelief after hearing her answer.

Miss California placed as first runner-up to Miss North Carolina at the completion of the competition.  Did her answer place her in that position?  We will never know, but will always wonder.  Miss North Carolina did an outstanding job and had high scores in each area of competition all evening.  She is well deserving of the title and I wish her much success during her reign.

No matter who won that evening, a great disservice was done to all young people watching the pageant.  How will they now decide to answer future pageant, job, or college interview questions?  Will they be true to themselves or did they learn to tell the interviewer what they want to hear just to get the job?

Personally, I will continue to be true to myself, speak my mind and coach others to do the same.  I will also continue to respect the opinions of others whether or not I agree.   Isn’t this what freedom of speech is all about?  Or is your favorite color really red, white, and blue?

Correspondence Cards

Correspondence cards are used for brief hand-written messages including thank-you notes.  These cards are made of a heavy card stock and measure approximately 4″ x 6″.

The executive’s name only is printed at the top of the card:

Frederick S. Harris

The executive’s name and business address appear on the back flap of the envelope:

Seating of Guests at a Traditional Wedding Ceremony

As guests are escorted by ushers down the aisle at a traditional church wedding,  guests of the bride are seated on the left side of the aisle as you face the alter and guests of the groom are seated on the right side of the aisle.

Slurping Spaghetti - Observed Etiquette Faux Pas

A mother in a restaurant was teaching her daughter how to slurp individual spaghetti noodles into her mouth with all the appropriate sound effects.   It wasn’t at all as adorable as the scene from “Lady and the Tramp”.  In fact, it made this lady look like a tramp.

Shaking Hands When The Person Is Not Seated Next To You

We are frequently introduced to others who are not sitting immediately next to us.  It occurs at events such as luncheons, board meetings and social occasions.

Under no circumstance should you reach across the table in front of someone to shake hands.  Instead, stand up and extend your hand to the individual you are being introduced to reaching behind the backs of others sitting at the table.

First Dates - Can You Hear Your Date?

First dates can be awkward because you typically don’t know your date very well and want to make a good impression.

Communication is very important to a first date.  Make sure you select a location that allows you to easily hear each other.  Visiting a local bar with a loud band or attending a rock concert would not be a good choice for a first date because it would be difficult to have a conversation in either situation.

Setting An Example For Children

Children are like sponges.  They absorb everything.  Be very careful with the information you provide for them to absorb.

Be on your best behavior at all times around children.  They learn by mimicking everything adults do and say.

The rule of “do as I say, not as I do,” does not apply here because you’re sending a mixed message.