Etiquette School of Ohio

The Importance of an RSVP

An RSVP is critical to the planning of a successful event.  It gives the host or hostess a number to work with when making arrangements for food, beverages, seating and more.

If you fail to appropriately RSVP or uphold your commitment to the RSVP, your are creating a difficult situation for everyone involved.

If you say you are attending the event and don’t show, money was spent anticipating your participation.

If you don’t RSVP and decide to show up at the last minute, you are taking resources away from the other guests who did RSVP.

A good example is a wedding I attended this past weekend.  72 guests replied to the invitation indicating they would be attending the Friday night reception.  100 people actually attended the reception.  There was not sufficient seating for all the guests at dinner and many had to eat dinner while standing.  The food was also limited.  Some people didn’t get a dessert.

The next evening at the wedding reception, 16 people who said they were attending did not.  The bride and groom had to pay for those 16 meals.

If you make a commitment to attend an event, you should not back out unless there is a personal emergency you have to attend to.  If you do have an emergency, you should notify your host or hostess as soon as possible.  None of the 16 no shows informed anyone they would not be attending.  I also doubt there were 16 personal emergencies on the same night of this wedding.

Make Your Boss Look Good

Regardless of your job or career field, it is important to be your boss’s public relations specialist.  It is your responsibility to make your boss look good within the company and to clients outside the company.  Any disagreement or ill feelings you have with your boss should stay private between the two of you.

• Do keep your boss informed about important company issues.
• Do help your boss prepare for client meetings.
• Do speak positively about your boss.
• Don’t let your boss get caught off guard or be surprised about any matters involving the company.
• Don’t gossip or speak negatively about your boss.
• Don’t upstage your boss in front of others.

Cell Phone Speaker Feature - Etiquette Faux Pas

I was shopping in a department store this weekend when a woman near me started speaking.  Thinking she was speaking to me, I turned toward the woman.  At first I was confused because she wasn’t looking at me, there were no other shoppers near us, and she wasn’t holding a phone to her ear.  I became even more confused when I heard another woman’s voice speaking.

As I approached the woman, I saw she was holding a cell phone by her side while having a business conversation on the speaker phone.

I enjoy shopping because it is an opportunity to escape from the daily grind and relax.  It was so frustrating have to hear business taking place where I like to relax.  It was also very uncomfortable hearing information I didn’t think I should be hearing.  I tried to ignore the conversation, but both parties were speaking so loudly, I couldn’t help hearing every word.  I finally had to leave that area of the store.

If you’ve read past posts, you know I recommend finding a private area to have a cell phone conversation in so you don’t disturb the people around you.  If you intend to have a conversation over the speaker phone, you absolutely must find an area where no one else can hear the conversation. Not doing so is rude to the people around you as well as the person on the other end of the conversation.

No Comb-overs Please - Male Grooming

Combing a long piece of hair from one side of your head over to the other side might make you feel more confident about your image and the fact you’re losing your hair, but it doesn’t fool anyone and makes you look like you’re insecure about your hair loss.

First of all, balding is not shameful.  It’s a normal fact of life.  Some very sexy and famous men are/were bald.  Think of Telly Savalis, Yul Brynner, Samuel Jackson, Sean Connery, Bruce Willis, and Vin Diesel.

As you begin to lose your hair, find a good hair stylist who can help you make the most of what you’ve got.

Men Need Manicures Too

Gentlemen, manicures are not a grooming process for women only.  It’s important for men to have handsome hands. They will be noticed in a professional environment as well as a social or dating environment.   Ladies do not find dirty hands or fingernails appealing.

Nails should be short and cut to the quick.  If you are a nail biter, it’s time to break the habit.  Hands, especially the area underneath the nails, should be kept clean.

Find a good manicurist and visit them at least once a month.  They will remove or push back unsightly cuticles, trim and shape your nails, and buff the surface of the nail.   Some men like a clear coat of polish on their nails to protect the nail and give a well groomed appearance, but this last step is a personal preference only.

In between manicures, use tools you can purchase at any drugstore to maintain your nails.  These tools may include nail clippers, a file or emery board, an orange stick to push cuticles back, and a nail brush to keep your nails and hands clean.

While you’re taking care of your fingernails, don’t forget to check your toenails.  For some women, including yours truly, unsightly toenails are a turnoff.

Finally, if you need more incentive to visit a nail salon other than maintaining your nails, you will be surrounded by a bevy of women who will adore you.  I can’t think of many other places where there’s such a good male to female ratio and the only thing the men have to do is sit and be pampered.

Entering and Exiting Doors - Who Has the Right of Way?

Have you ever approached a door at the same time as someone going in the opposite direction approaches the door?  There is usually an awkward moment between the two parties as they try to decide who is going to go through the door first.

This awkward moment doesn’t have to happen if you know the rules of the door.

The person exiting the building or room should proceed through the door or doorway before the person entering comes through.

If you find it difficult to remember this rule, think of an elevator or a bus.  You must let the people inside the elevator or bus exit first so there is room for you to enter.

Forks Were Once Controversial Utensils

Believe it or not, the fork was a controversial utensil and not accepted in all countries until the mid 1600s.

The word fork comes from the Latin word furca, meaning pitchfork.  Many cultures made a connection between the pitchfork and the devil.  The Greeks used forks until a princess died shortly after eating with one and then banned its use believing it was a punishment for using a utensil associated with the devil.

Until forks were used, only wooden spoons and knives were placed at the table setting.  However, a two prong fork would be used as a serving utensil.  People believed forks were unnecessary because they thought that’s what fingers are for.

England first began manufacturing forks in 1632.  Charles I of England declared, “it is decent to use a fork” in 1633.  Even then, only the wealthy began to use them.

Today, it would be an etiquette faux pas to use your fingers rather than a fork.  Unless of course, you’re enjoying fried or barbecue chicken at an outdoor picnic.  Then that is what fingers are for.  Just be sure to use your napkin too.

Remove Names of the Deceased From E-mail Lists

A friend of mine who served on a committee with me recently passed away.  As the committee began to prepare for its next meeting through e-mail announcements, I noticed my friends name was still on the mailing roster.  This was obviously an oversight, however, we need to be aware of little details like this.  It may be very painful for the family of the deceased person to receive these messages.

You would not send mail through the postal service to a deceased person, would you?  E-mails should be regarded in the same manner.

1)  Remove the name of the deceased from all mailing and group lists. It may be a difficult thing to do symbolically, but be courteous of their in box and the family members who might have to sort through the mail.

2) If you receive e-mail with a deceased persons name included in the recipients, please remove their name before replying to all.

3)  Check older e-mails to make sure the name of the deceased person has been removed before using it as a group list or using it as a reference.

Where Do the Parents of the Bride and Groom Sit?

If there is a center aisle in the church, the parents of the bride sit in the first pew on the left and the parents of the groom sit in the first pew on the right as you face the alter.

If there is a center section of pews with two side aisles, the parents of the bride walk down the left aisle and sit in the first pew on their right and the parents of the groom walk down the right aisle and sit in the first pew on their left.  Both parents will then be seated in the center section of the church with the bride’s parents on the left and the grooms parents on the right as you face the alter.

Working Late? Call Home

It’s courteous to call your spouse or partner if you know you’re going to be working late or will be delayed at the office so they aren’t worried and can make plans of their own.

It’s also courteous to call your spouse or partner before you leave the office so they know when to expect you home.  This may work to your benefit if your spouse or partner is thoughtful enough to have a warm meal waiting on the table for you when you walk in the door.