However, this same gesture takes on a different meaning in other places throughout the world.  In Japan, it may  symbolize a coin or money.  The French interpretation is zero, nothing, or worthless.  This is also the symbol for a private body part in many countries.

The lesson here is to avoid using this hand gesture when traveling abroad unless you know exactly what the local interpretation is.

As an etiquette coach, I am frequently asked if Americans are less civil today than in the past. It’s difficult to answer this question without an accurate means to measure civility over the years.

Are Americans perceived to be less civil today than in the past? Then, I answer with an emphatic yes. The perception of our civility today is the key issue. If we think our society behaves rudely and lacks proper manners, then we need to address today’s civility. The past really doesn’t matter in this instance. What do we presently need to improve our society?

Our perception of civility is reflected in our media. In the past, if someone acted rudely at the annual hometown shindig, only the locals knew about it. Today, the instant an etiquette faux pas is made, the news spreads around the world. Etiquette rules were broken in the past, but we weren’t as aware of the indiscretions as we are in today’s high-tech world.

Media has created multiple avenues of expression to kindle a rhetorical war. We have access to 24-hour news, talk shows, blogs, and social Internet sites. Incivility in every sector of American society is magnified by our inability to unplug ourselves.

Whenever there is discontent, people want to be heard. This can be seen throughout history from religious expression, civil rights movements, troubled economies, to political unrest. The stress and anger generated by such expressions compromise our moral consensus. Constant exposure results in the deterioration of civility. What was once considered rogue behavior is now accepted in the mainstream.

Incivility has permeated all aspects of our society. Our moral filters are voided on social media sites. People say whatever is on their minds. Foul language is used frequently and casually everywhere. Road rage is flagrant. Basic manners, such as a simple “please” and “thank you,” are infrequent. Casual business attire has decreased the structure for proper business behavior.

Unquestionably, elections bring out some of the worst examples of incivility. Politicians criticize other candidates personally rather than the policies for which they stand. I received four unsolicited phone calls at home just this morning demonstrating this. Younger generations are learning by example to publicly berate and criticize others without concern for other people’s feelings.

When and how have we become so desensitized? It’s easy to blame the media and the shock value provided to increase ratings, curse technological advancements for better communication, or point to a poor economy having created stress. It’s difficult to dig deep within and blame ourselves for decreased moral standards.

The cost of incivility is high. It impacts organizations and businesses economically. Productivity decreases, work time declines, and the sense of belonging as a team player is lost. The cornerstones on which America was built are crumbling.

So, where will America stand when it comes to civility? Will we continue to settle for mediocrity or will we strive to create and maintain a society respected worldwide for its civility?    The solution is easy. The process for change is difficult. The change must come from within. We must learn to respect ourselves and others, separate truth from fiction, and understand the consequences of our actions.

The Golden Rule must prevail and begin at home, but be present in all aspects of our society. Every citizen needs to step up to the plate to make change happen.

Good manners need to be a priority because life is more enjoyable when we are surrounded by polite and courteous people.

Sandra Hyde is president of the Etiquette School of Ohio in Beavercreek

Don’t text while driving.  It’s dangerous.  A quick message is not worth risking a life for.  Many municipalities are passing laws to make texting while driving illegal.

Don’t text while having a face-to-face conversation.  This includes dinner conversation.  How rude.

Don’t text during a meeting, class, job interview, wedding, performance, or funeral.  It’s not only rude, but distracting to others.  Follow the same courtesies you would use for a phone call in these situations.

Do sign your text.  Not everyone recognizes your number.

Do use proper punctuation.  It’s time consuming and we get lazy.  However, if you use texting in a professional setting, you need to use proper grammar.  Don’t trust yourself to be able to switch your writing style as needed.  We become creatures of habit.

Do use “text speak” selectively.  Not everyone is familiar with the abbreviations and may misinterpret the meaning of your message.

Do be patient when waiting for a response.  The recipient may be driving, dining, in a meeting, or attending a funeral.

Do remember texting is not private.  If you don’t want it on the front page of the New York Times, don’t text it.

Do keep your messages short and to the point.  If you need to write several paragraphs, make a phone call, write a letter, or send an e-mail instead.

Remember, not everyone has texting capabilities.  Don’t assume the recipient has this feature on their phone.  Not everyone can afford it or they elect not to have it for various reasons.  Respect their decision for usage.  Always check with the recipient before initiating a text conversation.

Happy and safe texting!

Whenever we are in public or on social media, it is imperative to be a good ambassador for who or what we represent.

People make judgements by our verbal and visual presentation.   This is important to remember at all times, not during work hours only.

For example, if you tend to use foul language frequently, not only do you make yourself look bad, but you also make your family, friends, and the company you work for look bad as well.  Remember the saying, “Birds of a feather flock together”.  The reputation of everything you are associated with depends are your public presentation.  Don’t let them down.  It is much easier to maintain a good reputation than to change a bad reputation.

Before you step out of the house or update your social media status, stop and think about the message you’re conveying and how it will effect who and what you represent.

Occasionally, you may need to ask a question or two about the food selections which is fine to do, however, have a couple of options prepared in your mind so you may react in a timely manner after hearing the answers to your questions.  Or, step aside and let the next customer in line place their order while you think.

The same courtesy applies to the drive thru.  Think about what you would like to order while waiting in the drive thru line rather than texting or playing the drums to your favorite rock song on the steering wheel.

Recently, a lady ordered 8 subs at a Subway restaurant and didn’t know what she wanted on any of the subs.  I could go on and on about her faux pas, but I won’t .  You now know what she could have done differently.  Rather, I would like to commend the gentleman standing in line behind her who waited patiently for her to work through each and every one of the 8 subs.   His lack of reaction made my day.  He demonstrated exemplary etiquette!

you may begin to eat when at least half of the number of guests seated at your table have returned from the buffet.

If 8 guests are seated at the table, you may begin to eat when at least 4 guests have returned from the buffet.

In a perfect world, a work environment should encourage employees to stay home when they’re not feeling well.   In reality, we only have a limited number of sick days and have to meet the demands of our jobs in order to keep them.

If you are the ill person’s manager, you may speak with them and ask them to go home.  If you are not the manager, then you should not make any comments and focus on protecting yourself.  Wash your hands frequently, get plenty of rest, eat nutritiously, and take extra vitamins to increase your immunity.  You may even consider working off-site or in another area of the office if possible.

Etiquette experts from all over the country are offering their advice on this topic and appear to have differences in opinion.   In the end, there are many different circumstances of divorce and the couple has to do what they feel is right in their situation.

When ruling on the topic of whether or not to return wedding gifts after a divorce, this etiquette expert is going to stick with traditional etiquette rules also supported by Peggy Post in the 75th Anniversary Edition of “Emily Post’s Etiquette“.

Wedding gifts are not conditional upon the success of the marriage.  The divorced couple does not have to return any wedding gifts.  The exception to this rule would be if a marriage was annulled and the couple did not live together.

If you gave someone a housewarming gift and they moved away after a short period of time, you wouldn’t expect the gift to be returned.  If you sent someone a gift for a promotion within a company and they terminated their employment with that company, you wouldn’t expect them to return the gift.  We give gifts, unconditionally, to celebrate an event.

Yes, there have been recent situations where two people faked a marriage to receive gifts.  It is unfortunate, but even in these cases, the couples have to look themselves in the mirror everyday and live with what they have done.  If you gave them a gift, you chose to do so.  It’s done.

Something else to consider in this dilemma is used gifts.  What if I gave a couple a toaster they used before divorcing?  Used items cannot be returned so I would not get my gift back.  My neighbor may have given the same couple Waterford crystal which they did not use.  Is it right they get their gift returned and I don’t?

Perhaps we should ask ourselves if their is anything we can do for two people who are going through a traumatic event in their lives rather than worry about a material gift we gave them.  After all, etiquette rules are supposed to help others feel good about themselves.

Introduce an ex-in-law as a friend.  For example, if you are introducing your ex-brother-in-law say, “This is my friend, Bob Waters.”  It’s not necessary to go through the former family history when making introductions.

If you have children from a previous marriage, you may introduce your ex-father-in-law as their grandparent.  “This is my son Tyler’s grandfather, Bill Baker.”

If your new spouse has children and they refer to you as their stepmother or stepfather, introduce the child in the same manner.  “This is my stepdaughter, Jennifer.”

Introduce siblings in a blended family accordingly.  “This is my daughter, Becky’s, stepbrother, Alex.”

Today I would like to share I joke I recently heard with you.  Even though the intention of this joke is to make people laugh, it’s not far from the truth.  Perhaps it has actually happened to you.

Enjoy, learn, and  please help keep our etiquette standards from going down the toilet by turning cell phones off in public restrooms.

I was in in the public restroom – I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice in the other stall: “Hi, how are you?”……..Me: embarrassed, “Doin’ fine!”Stall: “So what are you up to?”…….Me: “Uhhh, I’m like you, just sitting here.”Stall: “Can I come over?” ……… Me: (attitude) “No, I’m a little busy right now!!”Stall: “Listen, I’ll have to call you back. There’s an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!