I have heard marriages and friendships have been broken because two people were unable to share the television remote control. Here are a few tips to help avoid these broken relationships:
1) Do not change the channel without asking for permission from other viewers.
2) A good time to ask is during commercial breaks – not in the middle of breaking news.
3) Do not revel in the power of the remote. Regard its use as you would navigate through a first date. “What would you like to watch?” Do you want to continue watching this program or would you like to search for another?” “Do you want the remote or would you prefer I change the channels?”
4) Do not hide the remote from others.
5) If you stop to watch a channel while surfing, ask before before you begin surfing again.
6) Always place the remote in the same place after use so you can easily find it when you want it. End or coffee tables are good locations to avoid being goosed by the remote when sitting down.
7) Never throw the remote. Unlike a Nerf ball, it can cause bodily injury.
8) Only use the remote with clean hands. Others don’t want to feel the grease from your chicken wings.
9) Never use the remote as a tug-of-war prop. That’s what ropes are for.
10) Do not mischievously change the channel when the other person has momentarily left the room and then pretend it was a glitch from outer space messing with your TV. Martians know better than that.