Why Do We Pull Out A Lady’s Chair?

Have you ever wondered why we pull out a lady’s chair as she is being seated at the dinner table?

This act of social etiquette stemmed from the days when the attire of high society women was so elaborate and restrictive, they needed assistance being seated at the table.

I think of comedic scene in the musical, “My Fair Lady”, when Eliza arrives at the Ascot Gavotte in a very form fitting gown and has to slide into her chair sideways because her gown did not allow her to sit down in a manner she was familiar with.

Most social attire worn today is not as restrictive as it was in days past unless it is a costume, but we still continue with the tradition of helping a lady with her chair as a demonstration of respect.


Eliza at the Ascot


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Wedding Receiving Lines are Not Optional for Guests

If you are attending a wedding you are expected to go through the receiving line.  This is a wonderful opportunity to wish the newlyweds well and share in their joyous celebration.

I frequently hear excuses such as, “I don’t want to wait in that long line” or “I’ve been invited by my date and don’t know anyone”.

You accepted the invitation to attend the wedding.  Please accept the responsibility of helping the wedding couple, their families, and attendants share their joy with you.  If you don’t know everyone in the line, take this opportunity to introduce yourself.

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Don’t Touch This – Car Etiquette

If you are a passenger in a vehicle, do not touch the stereo. Do not change the station, the volume, or the source.

You may only touch the stereo if the driver says, “Would you like to select the music?”, or any phrase similar.

Old Radio Tuning

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Leprechaun Etiquette for St. Patrick’s Day

In the event you come across a leprechaun on St. Patrick’s Day, it’s imperative you follow proper leprechaun protocol while interacting with the leprechaun.  Not doing so, could mean many years of unwanted bad luck.

When meeting  a leprechaun:

  1. Always look a leprechaun in the eye, it is polite and it forces him to tell you the truth about where his gold is.
  2. Never take your eyes off of him: leprechauns are extremely fast and if you look away for one second, he will escape.
  3. Don’t be too greedy: if you catch a leprechaun, you can ask for a pot of gold, but just the one.

    playing violin

“May your blessings outnumber the shamrocks that grow, And may trouble avoid you, wherever you go.” -Irish Blessing

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

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Common Sense Etiquette – PJ’s Are For Bedtime

Pajamas should be worn in bed and while lounging at home.

CommoImage result for free photo of pajamasn Sense Etiquette: DO NOT wear PJ’s to the store, restaurant, gas station, school, or any other public place.  Do not wear them in the car either.  If you have car problems, you may have to get out of the car and step into public view.

Always show respect for yourself.  Dress appropriately.

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Thank You to All Who Have Served Our Country

To all the men, women, and families who have served, thank you for your sacrifices; for protecting our families and freedom.

Today and everyday, we honor your service.

Happy Veterans Day!

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Crying Babies Etiquette

Children are not born with proper manners.  They must be taught these skills as they grow and become ready to practice them in social situations.  Until children are able to execute proper manners on their own, their parents must oversee their behavior so they are not rude, disrespectful, or disruptive to others.

One of the first behaviors parents must pay attention to and monitor is crying.  Crying is the only way  babies can communicate their needs.  They are trying to tell the people around them they are uncomfortable and need something.  Parents should not ignore this communication for the well being of the baby.  They also need to be aware of how the crying is effecting the people around them and not have a self entitlement attitude. This is especially important when the crying takes place in public such as a restaurant, theater, church, store, funeral, wedding, or any presentation – such as the one Donald Trump was giving yesterday for his campaign.

A respectful, mindful, adult would not sit in an audience and start screaming gibberish while someone is speaking or performing.  This would be distracting to the speaker and other audience members.  Why then, do people think it is acceptable for a baby?  At the point when a baby cannot be consoled to stop crying, an adult needs to display manners and take the responsibility to remove the baby from the area where it is being disruptive to others.  Yes, it is a sacrifice to the parent.  They may miss part of the wedding, church service, play, dinner, or, in yesterday’s case, Donald Trump’s speech.  But taking a crying baby out of the room, without being asked, is one of the responsible sacrifices of being a parent.


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Two Groom Wedding – Can You Wear White?

More states are now recognizing same-sex marriages.  We now find ourselves navigating through unfamiliar and new social rules.  The question of wearing white to a wedding with two grooms is not new in regard to traditional rules.  Even though there is not an actual bride wearing a white gown in the wedding party, it is not appropriate to wear white to any wedding unless you are the bride. thKeep the focus of the day on the grooms and select a color other than the traditional bride’s white for the event.  You do not want to appear as though you’re playing the role of a bride.

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Debate Etiquette

A debate is an opportunity to formally discuss opposing opinions on a partithcular topic in public or legislative assemblies.   Debaters should handle themselves with dignity and show respect for their opponents at all times.

I am disappointed to report dignity and respect have been absent in the most recent highly viewed presidential debates.  The behavior of some of the candidates has been appalling and embarrassing. Our leaders, and potential leaders, at all levels of government should always display the highest level of conduct when speaking in public.  The world is watching.  America is watching.  Young people, who are tomorrow’s leaders, are watching.

We cannot continue to accept low standards for the presidential candidate debates.  This is not regularly televised entertainment.  This is the future of  THE United States of America.

Here are a few basic etiquette tips to follow in any debate setting: (If we’re lucky, a presidential candidate will stumble upon them and implement them in their next debate opportunity so we are not subjected to poor behavior again.)

  1. Never publicly disagree or argue with the mediator.
  2. Never offend, disrespect, or insult another debater or mediator.
  3. Do not speak out of turn or interrupt another debater or mediator.
  4. Present facts truthfully.  Do not falsify or distort the facts.
  5. Stay focused on the topic or question up for debate.
  6. Do not become emotional in your appeals.
  7. Control your tone of voice.
  8. Avoid quarreling and bickering. Do not point fingers at anyone.
  9. Focus on the topic, not another debater or mediator.
  10. Avoid personal attacks.
  11. Do not discuss physical attributes or limitations.

There are complete books written on the art of debate.  The above tips only brush the surface of the topic.  Always use the Golden Rule.  Treat the other person in the same manner you wish to be treated.  Act dignified and show respect.



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10 Habits of Genuinely Charming People

LinkedIn Influencer Jeff Haden published this post originally on LinkedIn.

Sure, everyone knows blunt, impolite, and even rude people who are somehow extremely successful. I know a bunch of them.

But since we’re all more likely to build professional and personal relationships and do business with people we like, we’re naturally drawn to individuals who are polite, modest, agreeable, and kind.

In short, we’re drawn to people who are charming.

I know a bunch of them, too, and here’s how they do it:

1. They willingly show a little vulnerability

Charming people don’t try to win any unstated competitions with people they meet. In fact, they actively try to lose. They’re complimentary. They’re impressed. They’re even willing to admit a weakness or a failure.

It’s really easy. Say you meet a would-be Donald Trump and he says, “I just closed a fabulous deal to build the world’s best golf course on the most amazing oceanfront property on the planet.”

Don’t try to win. Instead say, “That’s awesome. I’m jealous. I’ve wanted to build a small recreation facility for years, but can’t line up the financing. How did you pull off such a huge deal?”

Charming people are confident enough to be unafraid to show a little vulnerability. They know that while some people may be, at least temporarily, impressed by the superficial, everyone sincerely likes and appreciates the genuine.

2. They show they’re genuinely glad to meet you

They maintain eye contact. They smile when you smile. They frown when you frown. They nod your head when you nod. In simple, nonverbal ways, they mimic your behavior — not slavishly, but because they’re focused on what you’re saying.

That feedback loop helps two people bond — and the ability to bond is the essence of charm. If you want more ways to be likeable, check this out.

3. They search for agreement instead of contradiction

Unfortunately, going contrary is an easy habit to fall into. It’s easy to automatically look for points of disagreement rather than agreement. It’s easy to automatically take a different side.

And it’s easy to end up in what feels like an argument.

Charming people don’t actively — or unknowingly — look to disagree. They look for points of agreement. Then, if it’s appropriate, they gently share a different point of view — and in that way, help create an outstanding conversation.

4. They (selectively) use the power of touch

Nonsexual touch can be incredibly powerful. (I’m aware that sexual touch can be powerful, too, thanks.) Touch can influence behavior, increase the chances of compliance, make the person doing the touching seem more attractive and friendly, and even help you make a sale.

For example, in one experiment the participants tried to convey 12 different emotions by touching another blindfolded participant on the forearm. The rate of accuracy for perceiving emotions like fear, anger, gratitude, sympathy, love, and disgust ranged from 43% to 83% — without a word being spoken.

Say you’re congratulating someone, shaking hands or — possibly better, depending on the situation — patting them gently on the shoulder or upper arm can help reinforce the sincerity of your words.

5. They often dine out on their foibles

And they’re also not afraid to look a little silly. Skating in a cowboy outfit may be a little extreme, but charming people don’t mind occasionally being in a situation where they aren’t at their best.

And oddly enough, people tend to respect them more for that — not less.

When you genuinely own your foibles, people don’t laugh at you. They laugh with you. And they realize it’s OK to let down their own guards and meet you at a genuine level.

6. They’re masters of social Jiu-Jitsu

Some people have a knack for getting you to talk openly about yourself. They ask open-ended questions. They sincerely want to know what you think, and that makes you open up to a surprising degree. You feel like the most interesting man or woman in the world.

And you like them for making you feel that way.

As soon as you learn something about someone, ask why they do it, or how, or what they like about it, or what they’ve learned from it. Charming people ask sincere questions that make it easy to answer in a thoughtful, introspective way. They make you think, in a good way, about yourself, and in the process make you feel charming, too.

7. They always pass the “server test”

You know how you go out to eat with someone and they’re nice to you yet dismissive of the server? That’s the server test.

Charming people treat everyone the same way: as deserving of respect and kindness.

8. They’re great with names

Charming people remember names and even small details, often to a surprising degree. The fact that they remember instantly makes us feel a little better about ourselves — that means we, even in a small way, matter.

And that makes us feel better about the person who remembers us.

Yet even though charming people remember names …

9. They never name drop

I have a friend who can somehow squeeze the fact that he once met Jeff Gordon into almost any conversation.

“I’m planning to stain my deck this weekend,” I’ll say.

“Hey, I was sitting on my deck listening to the race last weekend. Jeff Gordon was leading for a while but then he had engine trouble. If I know Jeff Gordon — and you know what, I kinda do — I bet he was pissed.”

Granted I’ve done that too, but hopefully for a good cause.

Charming people may know cool people, but they don’t talk about it. And that only adds to their charm.

10. They always let you talk more

And that makes you feel important.

Because you are.

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