Etiquette School of Ohio

Do Not Applaud Yourself

Do not applaud yourself when being introduced, acknowledged, or honored.

As I watched the Academy Awards last night, I was shocked at the number of Oscar nominees who applauded while their name was announced.

If your name is mentioned while people are applauding, smile, or at the very least have a pleasant expression on your face, and acknowledge the person making the introduction and those applauding for you with a nod of the head.  But never, ever applaud for yourself.  Doing so would be the equivalent of standing up and conceitedly saying you’re wonderful or regressing to the actions of a baby applauding its latest accomplishment.

Respect the Personal Space of a Pregnant Woman

It is never appropriate to touch the belly of a pregnant woman without permission. Would you want relatives or strangers reaching out and patting your belly?  Our stomachs are private areas.  Just because the pregnant belly protrudes a little more than most, does not make it common ground.  Please respect the personal space of a pregnant woman.

Many pregnant women have asked me how to handle the awkwardness of someone reaching out to touch their larger than normal bellies.  One easy way is to reach your hand out to stop them and say, “I’m sorry, this baby is fussy and likes his/her/its privacy.”

One of my clients asked if she could reach back and pat the belly of the obtrusive person.  Sorry, this might be effective, but two wrongs do not make a right.

Cooling Your Soup

Last night, I was enjoying dinner at a lovely restaurant when I noticed the man at the table adjacent to mine blowing on his soup to cool it.  The man was a little too enthusiastic with his task because he blew so hard the soup sprayed onto the table and the lady seated across from him.  I have to speculate, if this was a first date, I doubt there will be a second date.

Blowing on your soup to cool it is never acceptable, even if you blow gently.  If your soup is too hot to eat, let it sit and cool while you engage in conversation with others at your table.

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Someone Is Using Your Bread Plate - Dining Etiquette

The rules of etiquette are there to make others feel comfortable in social and business settings.  If you are in the presence of someone who breaks an etiquette rule, do not embarrass them by pointing out their mistake.  Instead, use your etiquette knowledge to come up with an appropriate plan ‘B’.

For example, if the person seated next to you mistakenly uses your bread plate, leaving you without one, say nothing.  Use the rim of your dinner plate as a substitution.

How to Keep a Conversation Flowing

One way to keep a conversation flowing is to ask open -ended questions.  These are questions that require more than a yes, no, or one word answer.  After asking the question, be prepared to listen and show interest by nodding your head, making eye contact, and/or voicing an occasional word of expression such as “really”, “interesting”, or “I agree”.

Examples of open-ended questions:

How do you know the bride/groom?

Why are the ________ and the ____ your favorite teams?

What do you think makes “American Idol” a top rated show?

What do you enjoy most about rock climbing?

Tell me about your last vacation?

How To Respond to Unsolicited Gossip

Many years ago, gossiping was a criminal offense.   Although you won’t be placed behind bars for spreading gossip today, the effects of gossip can be very damaging.  It may be tempting to learn the confidential and juicy details about a person or situation, but we must discipline ourselves to stop it.

If someone begins to share information you know you shouldn’t be hearing, even though you are chomping at the bit to hear it, politely say, “Does _______ know you’re telling me this?  We’re good, (co-workers, friends, neighbors, etc.), and I don’t want him/her to think I’m talking behind his/her back.”

Avoid Confrontation in Public

No one ever wants to be criticized or humiliated, especially in public.

I was recently in a grocery store and had the unfortunate opportunity to overhear a husband criticizing his wife for her lack of cooking skills.  The wife was so humiliated she started yelling back at her husband, creating quite a scene.  No one gained anything from this outbreak.  The couple was obviously upset, coming up with no resolution, and other customers were very uncomfortable witnessing the incident.

If someone should criticize you at an awkward time or in front of others, avoid immediate confrontation and further embarrassment by saying, “Let’s talk about this later.”

Parents of teens or children  might find this tip helpful as well.

A Tip to Remember Names When Introduced

After an introduction, try to use the person’s name in conversation several times. The repetition of saying their name will help consolidate it in your memory.  The person you are conversing with will also be flattered to hear their name.

How to Respond to “You Look Terrible” or “You Look Tired”

In past entries, I have addressed how rude it is to tell someone they look terrible or tired.  Today, I will offer a response to such a comment.

If you are the unfortunate victim of a rude comment about your appearance, simply say, “Oh my, how sad to hear.  I was feeling rather good today until you made that comment.”